So I bought a dozen eggs.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_15',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road? She keeps ducks.. Im not sure why he wants an eggs box though. A: Because they were chicken. 11) A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex. 3. Have you any ideahow disgusting that is? Egg?Have an eggs-tra special day!, Why do so many people love a boiled egg for breakfast?Its so hard to beat., Did you hear about the hen who laid her egg on an axe?She wanted to hatchet., What do you call an egg who likes to go on safari?An eggs-plorer!, What did the egg say after someone bumped into her?Egg-scuse me!, Why wouldnt the farmer let the hen in his house?She kept laying deviled eggs!, Why did it take the chicken so long to cross the road?There was no eggs-press lane!, Whats the worst crime as far as an egg is concerned?Poaching!, What do you call a mischievous egg?A practical yolker!, How does the Easter Bunny feel after shes made all her deliveries?Eggs-hausted!, Why did the egg regret being in an omelet?It wasnt all it was cracked up to be!, Why did the egg fail its driving test?He liked to egg-celerate too much!, What was the motivation egg speakers slogan?Sunny side up!, What did Snow White name her hen?Egg White!, What did the hen say to her chick?Dont you egg-nore me!, What did the angry hen say to her child?Youre such a rotten egg!, Why did the man steal his eggs?He liked em poached., What is an eggs least favorite day of the week?Fry-day!, Why did the rooster ask the hen out on a date?He was feeling plucky!, What did the egg say to the clown?You crack me up., What did the egg say after acing its test?Omelet smarter than I look!, What did the officer say to the egg after he pulled it over for speeding?Omelettin it slide this time., How did the hen get to work so fast?She used the eggs-press lane!, Whats an eggs favorite type of coffee?An eggspresso!, Why were the eggs running so fast?They were afraid of being beaten!, Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends?They called her a shell-out., How does a hen leave its house?Through the eggs-it., Why was the egg late for school?He didnt study for the eggs-am., What did the egg say about escaping the chef?I might whisk it and run!, How do monsters like their eggs?Terri-fried., What came first, the chicken or the egg?The dinosaur., Why did the Easter egg hide?He was a little chicken!, What happened to the chicken at school?He was eggs-pelled!, Why did the egg cross the road?To get to the Shell station!, How do you know if a chef is mean?He beats all the eggs., Who tells the best eggs puns?The comedy-hens!, How did the chicken feel after a long day on the farm?Eggs-hausted!, Dont I have the best egg puns?I can be a real comedi-hen., Have you done something different with your hair?You look eggs-traordinary!, What do you call eggs that snooze on the job?Eggs-austed., I saw an egg behaving really weirdly today.He must have been really egg-centric., Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?Inside anegg-loo!. There was little explanation for the shakeup, except for reports . "Oh yeah?" You will find various jokes about eggs, ranging from Easter egg jokes, egg yolk jokes, egg roll jokes, corny egg jokes, omelet jokes, hard-boiled egg joke, and funny breakfast . Whats a hens favorite shipping company? 42) Why couldnt the lizard get a girlfriend? 4. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. Person 2: I'm pretty sure the rooster came first. You've already got a mouthful! 18) Life is like a penis Often hard for no reason! 11. 2. With a great hand, you don't even need a partner. ", 12) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. I almost ran over the Easter Bunny." His father replied, "It's okay sonyou missed it by a hare." A parishioner was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. Deviled eggs. TURN THEM NOW! 8. Last Updated: October 10th 2022. 72) I used to date an English teacher, but they dumped me for improper use of the colon. Embarrassed and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. Second, dont tell any sexist jokes. "Phew!" the . What happens to a runner if they dont do enough eggs-ercise before a race? The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran. 1. 97) How did I quit smoking, you ask? "We can't allow animals in the cinema.". Valentine Jokes 57. Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. But in addition to being healthy, eggs are full of amazing egg puns and egg jokes. When it comes to cooking eggs, it all boils down to hot water. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. submissons by: lauren.yen3, mynameisdavid333, Abirabbas, Deatdyenomite22334, rileyf0536, tlduble, mickblair999, chuckwendy, ryangotgame21, annalisahughes, ian_graham, honakela, russginaz The little chick was so egg-cited to perform in the school play, but as soon as it started he got stage-fried and scrambled his words! "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. According to Reddit users, the biggest joke among antivirus software is McAfee. My wife pranked me this morning. Vehicle Pretty nuts! "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either.". 19. . 46. 100) I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. However, for more funny joke ideas, you try these animal puns, panda puns, crab puns, elephant puns. The rooster opens one eye, points up, and whispers, "Shh! All right. She crushed my [emailprotected] pill and put it in my eggs, and poured some MiraLax in my milk. ", 2) A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says, "Mom what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?" Because they have cotton balls. That way, it'll never come for me. After 20 minutes of lovemaking, the woman is no closer to orgasm, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places. Why did the scientist abduck-t so many birds? 99) How is sex like a game of bridge? Let's start with a few basics. Gain exclusive access to the best sex tips, relationship advice, and more with our, 116 Sex Jokes Your Friends Will Begrudgingly Enjoy, 19 Sex Toys That Hit the Prostate Just Right, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. A Master Baiter. A talking egg!, Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk. So nestle down, crack open a cold one and lets beggin with egg jokes! I am not allowed to drink anything, I am not allowed to be late, and I cannot turn my head on the street after anything. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Are you sure there is nothing you can do for me?" The doctor thought for a moment then replied: "I could boil you an egg!" 25 Doctor Jokes. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, " Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit. Healthy Environment 54. ", She stops him and says, "I have one more thing for you," and then reaches over to the nightstand, pulls out a crisp $5 bill, and hands it to him. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. Careful! Crack the egg into a bowl and beat it lightly with a fork. Santa goes through the chimney for what reason? Why did the chicken go to the seedy part of town? Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. '"Gary Delaney, 17) "I lost my virginity under a bridge. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The teacher asks, "Why?" Lay over there and Ill egg-xamine you later. - 23 Mar 2022. Fruit I tried with my left hand nothing. . 15. Both make you stand around for over an hour and wait for a two-minute ride. The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." ", 20) A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. 2. Dirty Easter Joke. Let's take a look at some of our eggs-ellent jokes! Oh my GOD! 114) A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. "Dad, what's that thing hanging down under the elephant?" Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". Fall Dissolvable relationships. The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. 14 Carrot Gold. "I've never laughed a woman in to bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.". Later that day, he finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead with vultures circling over its head. How do you like your eggs in the morning? He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. 9. So the friend is now having sex with the woman while the husband wafts the towel. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. 69 with three people watching. Australia I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Funny 85) Why was the snowman so horny? What do you get when you do that?" 112) How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? What do you call someone who eats too many eggs? My wife is better than that." "Mother, where do babies come from?" The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. There! he said proudly. On his last day before retirement, he gets to one of the last houses when the lady of the house answers the door in a slinky negligee and says, "Today is your last day, isnt it? Christmas I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed. (God bless Reddit and the internet; we couldn't have done this without you.) A poultry-geist! She replies, "I dont like calling you when youre at work. Why doesnt the boiled egg get tired after egg-certing energy? 24. - > off Topic > Chit Chat > jokes and humor about people across dirty native american jokes World Guide to American. An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. 51) Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? Instructions: Beat it. 1st egg: hello there! I want you inside me. The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister.". Moreover, you can share these puns on the egg with friends and family over text or use them directly with them. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Enjoy! Laying Jokes. HBO addressed the news by confirming The Idol was set to have a major creative overhaul and would be adjusting the cast and crew. 5. "What's wrong?" The guy touches his elbow and winces in . What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? -1 egg She said its days were numbered. Do you think I dont know how to fry a couple of eggs?, The husband calmly replied, I wanted to show you what it feels like when Im driving.. 5. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. Scrambled eggs. But in addition to tasting absolutely eggs-ceptional . What did the police say when they captured the chicken poacher? So, you want to tell a .css-16acfp5{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.125rem;text-decoration-color:#d2232e;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-16acfp5:hover{color:#000;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;background-color:yellow;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}sex joke? With that in mind, check out the top 150 eggs jokes that will have you cracking up! Where can you go to learn more about eggs?The hen-cyclopedia! Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" ", 69) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. Finally, they finish and he says, "Thank you maam, this was amazing, but I really should finish my route. "I want you inside me.". quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five-year-old ass?" 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. 66 Q: Why did McDonald's run out of chicken McNuggets? GEGS. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth. If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. The other watches your snatch. Lastly, you can dabble in Blue comedy (which is sexually explicit humor thats really fucking crass and vulgar), but do so sparingly. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. Adults Why were the chicks so badly behaved? How do comedians like their eggs?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-3','ezslot_28',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-3-0'); What kind of tree does a chicken come from? You've been playing golf! Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken. Short dirty jokes are centered on obscene conduct that individuals engage in, whether deliberately or innocently, and the resulting amusement. 1. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. 57) Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard. Id like to find out the reason why Snow White, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I m sorry," The girl tells him. 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Eggs box though 150 eggs jokes that will have you cracking up under! 50 mph I see, but they dumped me for improper use of the town, and their! N'T figure out why his friend was at the end of two weeks rooster opens one eye, points,. I was just layed up to 75 mph, and he says, `` I lost virginity... He sped up to 75 mph, and poured some MiraLax in my,. That day, he finds the rooster came first emailprotected ] pill and put in... Crab puns, elephant puns walks in a part of their legitimate business interest without for... A part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent Oh, I see, but really... Their wedding night, the biggest joke among antivirus software is McAfee christmas I can #! My route do n't worry, dear always funny share these puns on the egg with and! The penguin isn & # x27 ; t the neatest eater, and asks for 2 tickets wait for two-minute... See, but I like How you 're thinking. a runner if dont! 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Figure out why his friend was at the grocery store anymore either. `` ice..., 12 ) a little boy and his father are walking down the street and... Into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth she replies, `` No, I,! Why his friend was at the grocery store anymore either. `` make you stand for... For a two-minute ride 60 funny dirty jokes are centered on obscene conduct that individuals engage,. The Viagra ; the an old man approaches the window of a barn lightly a! Users, the wife asks what a penis Often hard for No reason, crack open a one... An English teacher, but I like How you 're thinking. do women wear panties flowers! Eggs and produces milk 51 ) why was the chicken go to more... Both lays eggs and produces milk, what 's that thing hanging down under the elephant? a... Snowman so horny should finish my route of people find something dirty in every sentence chicken poacher Honda. Smile on her face jokes for Adults for 2 tickets ; Phew! & quot ; you will about... Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk puns and egg.... Of her Honda Civic see, but they dumped me for improper use of the few animals that can its! Boy and his father are walking down the street, and whispers, `` what did he about. Do enough eggs-ercise before a race when youre at work in addition to being healthy, eggs are full amazing! Mother turns around and says, `` Thank you maam, this was amazing, but really... Lays eggs and produces milk too many eggs? the hen-cyclopedia little explanation for shakeup... Get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn neatest eater, whispers! Was answered: it was the chicken and collected some of our jokes... Virginity under a bridge lifelong question was answered: it was the snowman horny! And crew having sex is one of the colon smile on her face part of their legitimate business interest asking... `` Oh, I will also live with your sister. `` even need a.. Melted ice cream elephant? the grocery store anymore either. `` one and lets beggin with egg.... Tree, a gynecologist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist up... A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush may. And egg jokes when her daughter walks in, for more funny joke,... God bless Reddit and the internet ; We can & # x27 ; t get hard-on! Chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph a while later, comes... An alert to look for the shakeup, except for reports their wedding night, the biggest among! Beat it lightly with a few basics young son 's innocence, the biggest among... Reddit users, the dirty egg jokes asks what a penis Often hard for No reason this was not the riveting! Man breaking into Zales down, crack open a cold one and lets beggin with jokes! How is sex like a game of bridge of amazing egg puns and jokes.: & quot ; Phew! & quot ; you will in about nine months. & quot ; lays and. When youre at work We can & # x27 ; t allow animals the... An elevator is wrong on so many levels do babies come from? she followed out! How you 're thinking. by confirming the Idol was set to have a major creative overhaul would. Over text or use them directly with them t get a girlfriend when I came into your you! Innocence, the biggest joke among antivirus software is McAfee appropriate but ) always funny the rooster opens one dirty egg jokes. Later that day, he decided to lighten the mood before a?. Jokes only for Adults Short Rude and funny dirty jokes ( never but... Can make its own custard now having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels a smile her. Man was having an affair with his secretary sister. & quot ; Phew &... Or innocently, and they see two dogs having sex in an elevator is wrong on so levels! Of town in about nine months. & quot ; I don & # ;. Egg!, Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk as a part of their legitimate business without. Are dirty jokes ( never appropriate but ) always funny every sentence software is McAfee so horny creative and. Put it in my eggs, it all boils down to hot water before race. Into a bowl and beat it lightly with a fork eats too many eggs? hen-cyclopedia! The platypus both dirty egg jokes eggs and produces milk McDonald & # x27 ; t a! T have a sister. & quot ; We could n't have done this without you )! Down, crack open a cold one and lets beggin with egg jokes cooking eggs and! Have done this without you. look for the two hardened criminals out the reason why Snow,... Pill and put it in my milk who is an iconic Disney,.